Pronouns, Poise, and Politeness — The Socialite University Way

Socialites, consider this your polished pocket guide. Pronouns are not a controversy; they’re a courtesy. Just as good society once learned how to answer a brand-new invention called the telephone, today we learn to use pronouns with the same calm, elegant precision.

What They Are—and Where Sensitivity Belongs

First-person (I/me/my) and second-person (you/your/yours) need no special handling. The refinement is required with singular third-person—when we speak about someone. That’s where thoughtfulness and accuracy convey respect.

When people are misgendered, it can feel dismissive or alienating. Using correct pronouns is simply good manners—and wonderfully practical for names that don’t indicate gender (think Alex, Ashley, or Jordan). Even those perfectly comfortable with their gender may share pronouns to help others feel seen. That’s soft power in action.

Where (and Whether) to Share

You’ll see pronouns on LinkedIn, Instagram, email signatures, and sometimes on name badges or business cards. There is no obligation to disclose—declining doesn’t make you impolite; it may simply mean you’re comfortable being addressed by name. If you do share, list all three forms (e.g., she/her/hers).

Signature example

Carla Sophia L. (she/her/hers)Founder, Socialite University

If You Don’t Know—Or Prefer Not to Ask

When you haven’t been told someone’s pronouns (and asking isn’t ideal), use their name. Neutral. Elegant. Correct.

If You Slip Up (It Happens to the Best of Us)

No dramatics. Correct yourself, offer a brief apology, and move on with grace. If a second apology feels appropriate, do it privately later.

“Pardon me—they will lead the session.I’m sorry about earlier; I know you use she/her/hers. I’ll get it right next time.”

How to Support Others—Subtly

Model the standard in real time. If someone misspeaks about a friend, you can gently reinforce the correct pronouns in your reply—no lecture required.

Person A: “Nikhil lent me his book last week.”

You: “Lovely—they always choose the chicest reads. Which title did they recommend?”

Gender-Neutral Language That Still Sounds Luxurious

Avoid assumptions like “sir/ma’am” or “ladies and gentlemen.” You have graceful alternatives:

• “Good morning.” “Thank you very much.” “How may I help?”

• “Friends.” “Colleagues.” “Distinguished guests.” “Students.”

• “The person with their hand raised / who just spoke.”

  
  

This is elegance without guesswork.

A Quick Reference: Common Pronoun Sets

• he/him/his

• she/her/hers

• they/them/theirs (singular “they” is standard)

• ze/hir/hirs (hir rhymes with dear)

• zie/zir/zirs (zir rhymes with dear)

• ey/em/eirs 

  
  

Scripts for Instant Polish

To share yours (without pressure):“Hello, I’m Carla Sophia—I use she/her/hers. Lovely to meet you.”

To invite (gently):“I’m Carla Sophia—she/her/hers. What pronouns do you use? If you’d prefer, I can use your name.”

If you’d rather not share:“Thank you for asking—please use my name.”

The Socialite Checklist

Do

• Share your pronouns when it helps set a welcoming tone.

• Use someone’s name until you know their pronouns.

• If you err, correct, apologize once, and continue. Keep any follow-up private.

• Reinforce others’ pronouns naturally in conversation.

  
  

Don’t

• Pressure anyone to disclose. An invitation is not a requirement.

• Turn a small mistake into a spectacle. Public admonishment helps no one.

• Default to gendered greetings when refined neutrals exist.

  
  

The Socialite Standard

Etiquette at its highest level is empathy made visible. Pronouns are a small habit with an outsized impact—streamlining introductions, honoring identity, and elevating the tone of every room you enter. Practice them. Model them. Make them feel effortless. That’s refinement—Socialite University style.